I think I'm sick.

Why am I listening to cheesy songs?
Is this some sort of mechanism caused by 7 days of no-cheese diet?

If yes, (and I really hope yes) then maybe I should buy myself some pack of cheese tomorrow.
Or else, I'm in deep shit.

Hahahaha!

Yesterday at dinner, we talked about the end of the world. I spent two death sticks wondering about it. What if indeed, at that exact moment the earth suddenly fell from its orbit? Would I be able to shout, "bring it on world!" and die peacefully knowing that I have lived my life the best way how?

ASA MY ASS.

Probably, I would be cursing til my last breath, desperately trying to call the person I love.

And so, this led me to a state of utter confusion.
I'll tell you why.

1. Do you know how extraodinary things turn to ordinary when it becomes part of a habit? Like when you get used to something that is really amazing but just like any other things, it dies somewhere and somehow? It's sad right? For almost a year and a half, I've been trying to keep three words from coming out of my mouth. I've been struggling from any form of motion capable of sparks and fireworks. I've been nothing close to special because I'm afraid to screw it all up. The question is, would I rather die knowing that I did something extraordinary or just...DIE?

2. If I choose to fight, how ready am I to lose (again)? If I feel like I'm not ready enough, when will I ever be? Don't  I have much Time?

3. I remember what my co-workers said when we were discussing about the end of the world. Our senior writer said he doesn't want to die not knowing what love is. On the other hand, our director said it doesn't matter anymore because she had had a lot of boyfriends before. Oh love, love, love, love, love. How come you make the world go round and round?

 

I'm always wondering why my memory sucks most of the time.

I tend to forget everything but the absurdest things, tiniest specks of once was-es and epic failures of anti-gravity belts. This is my biggest frustration so far--

FORGETTING.

I believe that everyhting in life is a choice and  just by saying so, I realize how fuckingly stupid I decide on certain things.

I want to forget. But I just can't. And I don't know why it's so impossible for me to forget those things when I don't really need them.

And however ridiculous this may sound, it's probably because deep inside me, I don't really want to forget. So it's more like "I don't want to forget" than "I can't forget". 

And the thing here is, I don't even have a reason to remember. Or maybe more like, I don't have a sane explanation why I should still remember. Because as far as this one's concerned, forgetting is rationally better. Alwaysbetter.
 
Gheds.

Guess I really have to spend more time alone to figure this out.
Then maybe, I could write something better than this.

So, ciao :)